I need You

I wanted to burst out into tears when i saw it. I felt a sharp pain coming from my abdomen, and the pain rushed up towards my chest. I held back my tears, cause ive made a promise to myself that i wouldnt shed a tear again.

It toured my heart apart. I refused to accept what ive just saw. It couldnt be, it shoudnt be. Not now, not that soon. I wasnt ready.

The muscles in my body tightened. My chest felt heavy, and i took a deep breath. I tried to console myself by denying it, by making excuses and hoping that my eyes were messing with my mind.

But i asked myself, how long am i going to live in denial? How long am i willing to hope? How long am i going to pretend? How long am i going to lie to myself? How long? How long?

Who was i trying to fool?

I knew i had to move on. I know that ive to start running or do i wish to remain on my knees forever? Constantly looking for sympathy, hoping that someone will tell me that everything will be fine, and that all will end well?

My spirit within weakened. I wish to surrender, to raise the white flag. I cant fight the good fight any longer. Its too hard, too difficult.

Im not as strong as i thought i am. I can no longer stand on my two feet.

I cant bear it anymore. I wish to cry but there's no tears, just overwhelming pain.

Ive looked for all sorts of remedies, but none avail.

Ive looked for comfort and love in the arms of strangers, but i got hurt even more.

Ive looked for answers from scholars, but i ended up with more questions.

Ive looked to the world too many times, and it only broke my broken heart even more.

I failed to look to the One who saved me, who saved me all the time.

I failed to trust in the One who provided me, who provided with everything that i need.

I failed too many times, and im tired of failing.

I refuse to run in circles anymore.

I want to get back on track, to continue the race that i started.

Im not going to quit, not now, not ever.

Even if the roads get narrower and steeper, i'll still run.

Cause im setting my heart on the prize.

Im not running alone this time, ive never been.

I just got too distracted along the way.

Im sorry for not noticing or acknowledging.

Im sorry. Truly am sorry.

So my Lord Jesus,

Would you please run with me again?

I need You.