Confused soul

I feel suffocated with the workload from uni, my responsibilities as a class representative, friend and as a daughter at home.

Its really exhausting having to deal with people. Its impossible to please everyone, especially when much is expected of you.

I hate conflits and i'll try to avoid it at any cost, but i realise that it is inevitable. Sometimes you've just got to face it and deal with it, instead of trying to run away all the time.

In life, i know that it is just plain crazy trying to make everyone happy. Yet i try doing it almost evrytime, till i start to lose my cool. As a result, it only aggravates the current situation and i become even more agitated than i already was, and i fail to be a good testimony for my Lord again.

Im tired of having to constantly please and make ppl happy. I wish ppl would be more understanding, and place themselves in my shoes to know that it isnt an easy task.

Im not comparing, or am trying to point out that im facing more hard times and tribulations than others, because i know that we all have our shares of ups and downs.

I just want ppl to be understanding, and considerate, not to sympathize but to give a helping hand and support when one is in need. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe ive been focusing too much on ppl than God, and ive push Him aside too many times because im hoping for man to feel the void that is within me.

I know i should be running towards Him, but instead i always run the opposite way, chasing after things that would only leave a bigger hole in me.

I know to differentiate right from wrong, and i know that i should be walking in the light and not the dark, but why do i still prefer to hide behind the shadows? Why do i say and do, what i know i shouldnt?

I clearly know what God expects of me, yet i fail to live life according to His standards. I rather conform to the ways of the world, bcause its easier and i wouldnt be the minority.

I feel puzzle inside, and im on the verge of just letting everything go. I cant take the pressure any longer; having to maintain my good grades, complete assignments and reports, exams, to be a patient and understanding friend and a dedicated daughter at home; with hsework, cooking etc. Its just too much to handle, I just cant do it on my own anymore.

I know that everything is possible through Christ who strengthens me, but do i really believe?

It feels as if suddenly the world came crashing down on me, and instead of working my way out of it, i choose to remain underneath it all.

Its like im at the end of the cliff, wanting to jump of it, thinking that it'll resolve everything..yet knowing that i can turn back and make things right, but i prefer to remain standing at the end of the cliff.

God, i know i should start running towards You and my heart longs to, but my feet just refuses to.