Glad, truly glad! =)

Im happy with my results, but am not contented. I definitely could have done better, but i procrastinated too much. As a result, i did lots of last minute studying. In fact, i did not completely revised the whole PON (Principles of Nutrition) and Buss stat subs. Wasted so much precious time worrying about matters that were less important.

Old habits die hard, very true indeed. I pray i do not take things for granted anymore. Im so thankful for God's constant favour, esp when its concerning my studies. I thought i would barely pass my Java paper, instead i scored 74 for it! Truly amazing, and it is truly God's blessing. I was clueless from the first day of class till the very last, and to be able to obtained such marks is just out of this world!

I got 70 for PON. Another miracle!! The paper was tough, you could practically shed tears while doing it. Im actually very fortunate to be awarded such marks, cause i know many of my coursemates were given extremely low marks and the lecturer is also stingy, no doubt about that.

I got a 76 for buss stat. Expected better but i blieve, i shouldnt be expecting much when i didnt put much effort into it.

And i obtained an A for the biochem paper, 86 to be exact. Any sub pertaining biology is an added bonus for me hehe. I love bio! Wanted to major in biology but they dont offer it in any local private universities, but im enjoying the course im pursuing now =) No regrets.

In general, im very grateful for my results. Im not going to complain, because God has blessed me so much and im thankful for His endless blessings! =)

Tk care, will be off to Cameron tmr.

Have a great and blessed day!

Results are OUT!!

Go to e-advantage to check the results. Currently only structural biochem's result has been posted, but the rest should be out by noon. All the best!

Getting a lil forgetful and lazy

Its my daddy's birthday tmr. It totally slipped my mind, and ive not got him anything yet! This is the first time, and its a tad too late to get him a gift. We'll just take him out for dinner tmr, and i'll give him a big birthday kiss on the cheek in the morning *giggles.

Mother's day is next month. I need to add it in as a remainder in my mobile phone, just to be on the safe side. Ive been quite forgetful lately, and i wonder whether it has to do with the holidays. I havent being using much brain power lately, hardly to be honest. Instead ive been using more jaw power; eating! lolz.

My younger sister said im slightly rounder, and she has been teasing me about it a whole lot! It annoys me and she knows that it does, thats why she reminds me about it every now and then. To add on to my misery, she constantly declares out loud that she has lost weight due to her non-stop basketball training sessions.

*grins mischievously ..When i start my varsity basketball training sessions next sem, it'll be my turn to boast! Bleh! Muahahaha...

Well there's nothing much to update, since im home all the time, facing the tv and eating hehe. I think im almost equivalent to a couch potato hehe. Mum has been complaining, so its time to get my big butt up and moving lolz.

From a sincere heart

Its the final week of my holidays. Days passed by quickly, but the hours seem to drag on slowly. Thus, giving me lots of time to ponder and reflect on the years that have gone by.

Ive been wondering an awfully lot, on the decisions and actions that ive made throughout the years. Trying to picture the difference it would have made, if i'd chose the alternate routes. Would my life be better? Would i be happier? Would i have achieved much more? All the 'woulds' flooded by mind.

I know there's no point in wondering anymore, but im sure you, yourself have been in my shoes before. Curiosity attacks, and the mind starts to wonder off more than it should.

Instead of controlling and confining my thoughts, many times i feed it and encourage it to grow. From just one thought, it multiplies into many other thoughts.

Useless as it may be, i expound on it. Even though its not a healthy thing to do. It stirs up old-hurtful feelings and memories, occasionally sweet ones too. Yet most of the time, their just painful memories and feelings that should remain buried.

At times making it hard to look forward, towards the future. Afraid that i'll repeat the same mistakes, that i'll get my heart broken again, that i might never get over it or forgive myself.

Fear, im sick of it. It doesnt drives me forward, it just drives me insane!

Trusting and being confident in God is amazingly difficult. Having to surrender and being not in control is scary.

All my life, ive held on to bits and pieces. Ive never been willing to give them up to God, especially when its concerning my love life.

But i want to trust Him in every aspect of my life. He has taken care of every single detail in my life, from my studies to my daily needs, yet im fearful, to surrender this specific area to Him.

Im weary and tired of holding on to it, using my own strength to make it work for me.

So im giving it to You, my Lord. Im placing it in Your hands and im trusting You fully, because You know whats best for me. Its not going to be an easy journey, but i know i can lean on You and gain strength from Your love.

P.s. Special thanks to my dear friend trix, for always keeping me in check and your constant prayers.

ONLY HOPE
written by Switchfoot, sang by Mandy Moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to be over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now Your my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

I give You my destiny
Im giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs Im giving it back

I need You

I wanted to burst out into tears when i saw it. I felt a sharp pain coming from my abdomen, and the pain rushed up towards my chest. I held back my tears, cause ive made a promise to myself that i wouldnt shed a tear again.

It toured my heart apart. I refused to accept what ive just saw. It couldnt be, it shoudnt be. Not now, not that soon. I wasnt ready.

The muscles in my body tightened. My chest felt heavy, and i took a deep breath. I tried to console myself by denying it, by making excuses and hoping that my eyes were messing with my mind.

But i asked myself, how long am i going to live in denial? How long am i willing to hope? How long am i going to pretend? How long am i going to lie to myself? How long? How long?

Who was i trying to fool?

I knew i had to move on. I know that ive to start running or do i wish to remain on my knees forever? Constantly looking for sympathy, hoping that someone will tell me that everything will be fine, and that all will end well?

My spirit within weakened. I wish to surrender, to raise the white flag. I cant fight the good fight any longer. Its too hard, too difficult.

Im not as strong as i thought i am. I can no longer stand on my two feet.

I cant bear it anymore. I wish to cry but there's no tears, just overwhelming pain.

Ive looked for all sorts of remedies, but none avail.

Ive looked for comfort and love in the arms of strangers, but i got hurt even more.

Ive looked for answers from scholars, but i ended up with more questions.

Ive looked to the world too many times, and it only broke my broken heart even more.

I failed to look to the One who saved me, who saved me all the time.

I failed to trust in the One who provided me, who provided with everything that i need.

I failed too many times, and im tired of failing.

I refuse to run in circles anymore.

I want to get back on track, to continue the race that i started.

Im not going to quit, not now, not ever.

Even if the roads get narrower and steeper, i'll still run.

Cause im setting my heart on the prize.

Im not running alone this time, ive never been.

I just got too distracted along the way.

Im sorry for not noticing or acknowledging.

Im sorry. Truly am sorry.

So my Lord Jesus,

Would you please run with me again?

I need You.

Day 2

We started the day quite early. By 9am everyone was up. Since Ya'tze, Web and i were the early birds, we took a walk around bukit cina - using our noses and senses for food hunting. After much walking, we got everyone down for breakfast at a corner shop just opposite of the guesthouse. I shared a plate of chee cheong fan and yam cakes with ya'tze. It was delicious and cheap!

After breakfast, we started our walking marathon towards jonker street. Along the way, ya'tze, web and i bought char siew paos. It was yummy too but it would have tasted better, if it had more fats in it rather than lean meat hehe.

Edmund met us at jonker street. We spend the whole morning shopping, in and out, from one shop to another. The 2 nice chaps bared with us the whole time, patiently tagging along. It was burning hot the whole day, but even the sun couldnt stop us. We continued on exploring every corner of jonker street till about 1pm, cause everyone's tummy started growling.

We had nyonya food for lunch, and cendol too. It was good and cheap. I wish i was living in malacca, i would never go broke even after eating so much lolz. After lunch we went for a boat ride along the muddy river. The ride cost us RM10 each. It wasnt worth it, the ride was slow and the tour guide was extremely lame in a funny-sort-of-way. Addition to that, i got a lil river sick. Thankfully my lunch stayed put within my tummy, or it would have been an ugly sight.

When the ride ended, we headed back to jonker street. Since it was scorching hot, we went for a drink in a cafe/bar. Some had ice lemon tea, a few opted for beers and i settled for shandy! It definitely cooled me down. We chilled there for sometime, as a shelter from the burning sun. After hiding away for a period of time, we reluctantly got up from our behinds. Half went back to the guesthouse - exhausted from all the walking, and the other half of us marched on to Tan Kim Hock.

We did a lil more shopping, buying cincaloks and dodols for our family back home. We then had durian cendol there, and Karen started having cravings for satay celup. We thought she was just joking but she wasnt. So after much discussion while having durian cendol, the few of us went for satay celup again! lolz But we ate only a lil, cause we were all saving our stomachs for dinner.

After snacking on durian cendol and satay celup, we got back to freshen up and rest. Around 8 something, we left for jonker street again. We did more shopping and eating, from sotong bakar to pancakes, to dim sum, fruits and then nyonya asam laksa. We ate endlessly throughout the night! We had a lil of everything, i cant list it down cause i cant remember what i had lolz.

Feeling bloated and overly stuffed, Edmund suggested to go visit Alvin who is working as a part-time bartender in a pub somewhere near Mahkota Parade. We hesitated at 1st because it was a lil difficult having to carry our fat bellies around, but Edmund quickly assured us that it was only 15 mins walk away. Guess what?! We got conned! If im not mistaken it took us about 30 mins! It was much further than we had expected.

When we finally got there, i was too tired to even bother about the loud music that was extremely deafening. I got onto a chair and it felt good to be sited after such a long walk! I had a lil of everything - vodka lime, bacardi and jungle juice, but it was all a lil diluted. No wonder the pub was so empty, Alvin must be a lousy bartender haha. We didnt stayed long, because it was late and we still had a long journey home.

By the time we got back, my legs were already half dead. Took a shower and jumped straight into bed with my hair still wet. We did chat a lil that night but ya'tze was kind enough to let me sleep, cause i was dead tired. I think i fell asleep almost instantly.

To be continue....

Malacca Trip

DAY 1

The first day of the trip was filled with mishaps. As soon as we reached the Pudu Bus Terminal, one of my sandals strap snapped! But thankfully my darling ya'tze had an extra pair of sandals with her, and that she's a big foot like me too hehe. If it wasnt for her sandals, i would have to walk bare footed till we reached malacca lolz. I was a lil distraut with my broken sandal, its quite a new pair and for all the days, it had to give up on me - TODAY!

But i felt much better as soon as i got onto the bus. WHY? haha..well, its bcause the bus was filled with 'ah mohs'! And not to mention, cute ones too lolz. Mel and i were exceptionally happy! If there werent many ppl, we would have started drooling hehe.. it was indeed a BEAUUUTIFUL sight lolz.

We had a real good time in the bus, everyone was busy chatting and feasting on the mouth-watering dunkin donuts that i bought. Suddenly, i felt a pinch of pain coming from my tummy. I ignored it, thinking that it would go away soon. But i was wrong, it got worst and i felt very uneasy. It was obvious to me now that i needed the toilet desperately. I tried distracting myself by chatting on with ya'tze but it hurt more.

We were just a few seconds away from the Ayer Keroh toll, and i knew there were definitely toilets around there. So i hurried ya'tze to the bus driver, hoping that he would be kind enough to make a short stop for a desperate soul-me! He was reluctant at the beginning, but my dear ya'tze managed to persuade him.

As soon as the bus stopped, i sprinted from the bus to the washroom! What happened next, i shall not elaborate lolz. I felt at ease at first, but the pain crept up again as we continued our journey. Thank God we finally reached the Malacca Bus Terminal! The first place i wanted to visit so anxiously was the washroom, and everyone had to wait for me again! Sorry guys, but y'know how desperate i was lolz.

But im glad that the day went on well after all the unexpected and unfortunate events =). We reached mlc around noon and headed for chicken ball rice! Yummy! Satisfied, we left for our next destinations-Stadhuys, St. Paul's, A'Famosa and Mahkota Parade (to buy a toothbrush and my sandals hehe). We did lots of walking till my the heel of my foot ached terribly, ouch!

At about 5pm, we hurried down to bukit cina (we stayed there too, at tony's guesthse) for satay celup! We got there early to avoid having to eat other ppl's saliva, according to an adviced given by a local - an extremely friendly aunty that owns a souvenier shop along Stadhuys.

The bunch of us ate beyond our stomachs capacity and digestive abilities. 70 sticks and around 10 stack of plates containing various raw food! It was inhuman but we were all very proud with the amount that we ate lolz.

After stuffing our faces with satay celup, we went on exploring and we ate more, and shopped a lil haha. Popiah and later on, we had roti john and ayam golek ( which wasnt that tasty). Two melaccans -Edmund and Alvin drove us to the beach, pantai kundur if im not mistaken. We had a long walk on the beach, it was breezy and the sky was prettily lighted up by numerous shining lil stars =)

We got back late and slept around 3 something. It was a tiring day, but i had lots of fun - walking and eating.

Will continue on with day 2...more eating and shopping..hehe

Saman! WHO? Me?!

Yups, i almost got 'saman' today bcause i was in a hurry to get my youngest sis and her friend home from school. The traffic light just turned yellow and i made a quick turned, and suprise, suprise, 2 policemen were waiting at the side.

They ordered me to stop my car by the roadside. I had lots of butterflies in my stomach and my heart starting beating really hard and fast. Its my very first time being stopped by policemen and it was nerve wrecking! All i could do was to call out to God and im glad that i did.

The conversation below took place between the policeman and i;

Police:Hai adik, boleh tunjuk lesen? Lain kali kalau lampu sudah tukar warna, berhenti. Adik
masih P, kalau saman potong banyak markah. Kenapa tak berhenti?
Me :Saya sedang kerja masa, nak hantar adik kawan saya balik rumah.
Police:Bahaya bawa kereta cepat-cepat. Nanti kena langgar. Kalau saman, siapa bayar?
RM300 tau?
Me :Ayah bayar.
Police:Macam mana? Nak saman ke?
Me :Kalau boleh jangan bagi saman, sebab saya tak pernah kena saman (showing my
pityful face).
Police:Ada duit sekarang ke?
Me :Duit?! Takde la (Actually i'd about RM20 in my purse).
Police: You berapa umur?
Me :21.
Police: Langsung takde duit sekarang? Kereta pun takde?
Me :Takde.
Police: Lain kali kalau saya nampak kereta adik, adik bayar,
Me : (Ignoring whatever he just said, took my LC and drove off).

The conversation that took place was a bit more longer cause he was trying to convince me to pay him (bribe, whatelse). I was tempted to give him my Rm20 because i wanted to get home right away, and i was getting a lil scared but i know it wasnt right, and i was certain if i did the right thing, God would definitely help me out. I thank God i obeyed and trusted Him, and i didnt get a 'Saman'. Yipee! Not forgetting, i'll stop the car the next time a traffic light turns yellow =)

He Still Loves Me

The Fighting Temptations - 13 - He Still Loves Me - Beyonce.mp3

Its a really good song. The lyrics are shown below. If you've the time, do listen to it =)

Took me a while
But I'm finally here
I just wanna testify
Make it crystal clear
See I've been picked out
To be picked on
Talked about out my friend's mouth
I've been beat down
Til He turned my life around
(turned my life around)

[Chorus:]
Seems like I always fall short of bein worthy
Cuz I aint good enough
but He still loves me
(yeah)

I aint no superstar
The spotlight aint shinin on me
(no no no no no)
cuz I aint good enough
but He still loves me
Loves me

I used to wake up some days
and wish I'd stayed asleep
cuz i went to bed on top of the world
today the world's on top of me
everybody's got opinions
(they share)
They aint been in my position
(they don't care)
that it breaks my heart when I hear what they have to say about me yeah
(what they say)

seems like I always fall short (fallin short)
of bein worthy (Lord I aint worthy)
Cuz I aint good enough (no no)
but He still loves me (still loves me)

I aint no superstar
(I wanna be for you)
The spotlight aint shinin on me
cuz I aint good enough
but He still loves me

I'm not perfect
(I'm not perfect)
Yes I do wrong
(yes I do wrong)
I'm trying my best
(trying my best but)
But it aint good enough
(just aint good enough)
Shunned by the world
If I don't succeed
Cuz I aint good
But He still loves me
(I just aint good enough)

If you aint worthy just raise your hands
And let me know that you understand
That we are all so blessed
To be loved, loved

Stand for Him and fall for anything
Cause through His eyes we all look the same
What would we do without blame?

Feels like we always fall short
Of bein worthy (we are not worthy)
Cuz I aint good enough
But He still loves me
I aint no superstar
(I aint no superstar but I wanna be for you Lord)
The spotlight aint shinin on me
Cuz I aint good enough
(Oh)
But You still love me

I'm not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I'm tryin my best but
(tryin my best)
It aint good enough
(I'm not good enough)
Shunned be the word
(shunned by the world)
If i dont succeed
(i dont succeed-ceed-ceed)
Cuz I aint good enough
But He still loves me
(child sing with me)
I'm not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I'm tryin my best but
It aint good enough
(But the Lord's been so good to me)
Shunned be the word
(Shunned by the world)
If i dont succeed
Cuz I aint good enough
(I aint good enough)
But He still loves me
(The Lord still loves me)

No I aint good enough
But He still loves me
(Raise your hands if ya understand)
No I aint good enough
(How He blessed you cuz He blessed me too)
but He still loves me
(even though I aint worthy)
No I aint good enough
(you aint worthy, He's there for you)
but He still loves me
(no matter what I do)
No I aint good enough
(I aint good enough)
but He still loves me
(but the Lord still loves me).

Baby Hit Me One More Time!

Ive been watching Britney Spear's 'Baby Hit Me One More Time' music video for the 15th time! As soon as my youngest sis got back from school today, she asked me to choreograph a dance for her using that particular song for some special occasion in school. This was what i replied her, 'For all the songs, why do you have to choose that song?!'. And y'know what, it was her teacher whom requested for it..haha..weird. Oh pls, dont get me wrong. Im not against Britney or her songs. I do find some of her songs quite catchy but there are many more other songs that are so much better.

Since she needed to show a lil of it to her teacher tmr, i quickly downloaded the music video. Its been ages since ive gone for dance classes, i barely remember any dance steps eventhough i went for ballet and jazz classes for 5 years but then again, that was like 9 years ago when i was still in primary school. Im desperately in need of ideas! The music video wasnt much of a help, not many steps and most are a lil too difficult for 12 years old's that have no dance background.

Addition to that, im not as flexible as i used to be. When i got up to try out some of the moves, my bones started making lots of 'cracking' noises - like lil firecrackers, especially my joints. Haha..i guess i need oiling and maybe, its got to do with age..lolz. Just joking. Im stil young ;P

The meaning of Easter..

One of the greatest gift that God ever gave to man is L-O-V-E, love. There's many ways to express love, and Jesus was a form of God's love to us. He sacrificed His only son by having Him nailed to the cross, that we may have eternal life.

I'll never again come across such sefless love. The kind of love that no man will ever be able to give to another. A love that is unconditional, pure, holy and blameless.

Its sad to see that in our generation today, love has lost its value and meaning. Today's definition of love is the total opposite of what God intended it to be.

Eventhough Jesus had to pay the ultimate price for us by dying on the cross, He risen from the grave on the 3rd day! Its great to know that we serve a living God. Im really thankful that Sunday came, or i would not have experienced LOVE; God's love =)

Well have a blessed Easter and rejoice cause He lives!

P.s. If there's any thats interested in knowing more about Easter, i'll be most willing to share it with you. It would be an honour.

Celebrate!

*Cassie turns on the radio. Music starts playing, 'Everybody dance now...'
*Cassie starts grooving...and starts dancing franticly.

Hehe..if only it was possible. Im not saying ive not done it before, but there's guests coming over in a short while. Dont want to frighten them off with my not-so-smooth dance moves lolz. Im not embarrass or shy to dance idiotically with my parents or sisters around. They've seen me 'bumping' around a thousand times before, and they've also expressed their annoyance of me dancing like a lunatic, especially when im getting into their way lolz. Oh well, their family so they've got to bear with me hehe.

The exams are finally over. I wont elaborate much about it, since i gave my word to miss jo that i wont mention about it anymore =)

So whats my plans for the holiday? hmm.. will be off to malacca next week, from the 20th till the 22nd of April. Yes miss jo, we'll be staying in a budget hotel. The setting of the place is really simple and i heard its really clean, which is the most important aspect. I'll update your guys about it later on and if its nice, we'll go for a trip to mlc at the end of the year. Okay, miss jo? hehe.. i know you're gonna say, 'Cassie, every year also you go to mlc. Not sien meh?'.
Honestly no. I love mlc! From the food to the historical landmarks, and the good looking 'ah moh' tourists that can be seen almost everywhere! *Grins mischievously. So tell me, whats not to love? lolz. Its also sort of my 'kampung' (my ancestors and grandparents originated frm mlc), maybe thats the reason i love it so much hehe.

Oh yeah, i'll be going down to klang tmr to party with my 'boggie' partner, trixie hehe. We'll be 'boggie-ing' in her room with lots of pirated and burned music cds lolz. After postponing my trip to klang for 3 weeks, im finally heading down to my much missed hometown, klang! keke
There's no place like home.

Ive friends constantly blabbing to me about how fortunate i am to have shifted to PJ. Its no biggy, really. Though it close to tonnes of so-called 'happening' clubs, it doesnt make much of a diff to me. I dont club, ive never found it inviting. Especially with the deafening-irritating techno music and the thick layers of smoke, that are so 'kindly' exhaled by the inconsiderate smokers, who are literally going around killing everyone along with themselves. Sorry if im being offensive but if you were to give it a lil more thought, you would agree with me. And eventhough im living in the middle of every shopperholic's dream (yes, im refering to the shopping malls), it all means nothing when your not surrounded by friends. Its not the place that sets the atmosphere, but its the company of friends =)

I'll be taking a trip up to cameron highlands too, with my family and a few other families from church on the 29th of april. We'll be there for 3 days, and will only be back on the 2nd of may, a day before uni restarts. Cant wait to get my hands on the red-juicy but rather sour strawberries and cherry tomatoes! muahaha..hehe. Not forgetting, the crumby-yummy scones filled with fresh cream and sweet strawberry jam! *drools... The thought of it is overwhelming. Thats the danger of food, it makes me go 'koo-koo' lolz.

Would love to continue on blogging but ive church to attend to, which is basically just right down in the hall hehe. Well, happy easter! A great day to be celebrating. God is good, all the time =)

One of my greatest desire

I was watching 'Finding Forester' for the third or fourth time. I was taken by what was said by the character Forester, 'Write, dont think. Write whatever thats in your heart'. I blieve many times we contemplate, wait and think way too much before doing what our hearts truly desire. Even as im blogging right now, i refused to stop and think but im writing whatever that comes to mind.

Since young i always had a soft-spot for writing, i would write my own fairytales. I dont remember much about the contents or what exactly that i wrote about, but one thing im sure about is that- it all had a happy ending and i was obsessed with writing.

As i grew up the desire still lingered on, but i never took the iniative to improve or expand it. And it was also because my foundation in English was never that good. Though i read a lot and used it daily, it remained stagnant. My interest in science grew and i excelled in it, compared to having to deal with grammars, nouns, and adjectives that only gave me tremendous amount of headaches.

During secondary school, i was recommended by a senior to be apart of the school's editorial team, my heart jumped with delightfulness and i secretly did a dance. To my surprise, i was selected as the chief editor for my 2 final years in school. I learned a whole lot during my years as an editor, and i began writing again. Not as much as i did when i was little, but it was a start.

One of the reason i decided to start a blog was because it gave me the opportunity to write, a channel to express whats inside of me. Yet there's still a wall, because I dare not write as i wish to; afraid that i might offend people along the way. Something that is unnecessary and should be avoided.

Ive never spoken about this to anyone before, but i'd always wanted to write and publish a book of my own. Pretty much like an autobiography. Well im sure your wondering right now, 'What's so interesting about Cassie's life?'. I blieve everyone has a story to tell, and im anxiously waiting to tell mine. Not because its filled with pain, sorrow, hurts or dramas, but because my life took a meaningful turn when God replaced all of the bitterness with love, joy, peace and kindness. A story worth writing and being told; an interesting journey that made me the person that i am today.

Its a desire that has been in my heart for a very long time. Though what im currently studying has no relation with writing, im still hoping and believing for that day.

All is well

I went blanked during buss stat's paper today. I totally freaked out! I never had to deal with such an accounter before. It suddenly striked me went i was halfway through my 4th question, if im not mistaken. My heart started beating rapidly and i was breathing quite heavily. The harder i tried to recall all the formulas, the more panicky i became.

Since i couldnt do the 4th Q, i skipped to the 5th and then to the 6th Q. I pratically left 10 questions blanked, and it went on this way for about an hour till i couldnt take it any longer! I was desperate, i needed to score well for this paper (well, all of the papers). So i stopped what i was doing, and under my breath i cried out silently, 'God help me!'. Many times actually, i kept whispering 'God help me!'. I hope i wasnt too loud but i guess i wasnt, since my friend who was sitting infront of me didnt mention anything about it. Hmm..or maybe he was just being polite to not mention it hehe.

I said a really short prayer cause i had very lil time left. I took a deep breath and got back to doing the paper. I reminded myself to stay calm, that God was with me and He'll never let me down.

As i continued on from where i had left of, i was able to recall almost all of the formulas. Hence, i quickly wrote whatever i could remember. I began analyzing each of the formulas, and i applied it to its specific questions. Everything went on well, and I gladly thanked the Lord in my heart. I couldnt have done it without Him!

Overall, i still found the paper real tough. It practically sucked out all the energy in me! Im so happy that another paper has come to an end. On friday i'll be having PON and Biochem papers. Both are heavy subs but after what the Lord has done for me, im feeling a lil more relaxed. Not so tensed or overly stressed. Yet, i still have to do my part in studying *sob sob ..hehe.

Im keeping it short, need to get some shut eyes.

Will write more, soon. Take care!

Worrying...im so good at it

I cant stand being teased constantly. Yes, im not very sporting. Ive never been. I specifically disliked being matched-made! Its worst when ive no interest in that particular person. All this match-making leads to many unnecessary and unwanted 'problems'.

Im facing a rather tensed situation now. Im not very certain about this, but from the hints ive been getting..its definitely not a good sign.

What would you do, if a guy broke off with his current gf just to get to you? And the most terrifying part is, you dont have the slightest 'itch' for him? But because of all the teasing and encouragement from his pals, his feeling motivated and suddenly very interested in you...WHAT WOULD U DO??

At the moment, im just a lil worried cause nothing is in black and white yet. Its just a hunch, not for certain and im praying that it doesnt happens. Praying real hard!

If it does... gosh, lets not even go there. Nothing is impossible for God, so God pls..HELP! Y'know how much i hate turning ppl down. I myself dont take rejection well and its not a pleasant feeling at all.

But ive more important stuff to worry about. Yes, my finals!
Ive 3 more papers; Buss Stat, PON and Biochem. Im entirely unprepared for all 3.
Ive lost all motivation, and im headed for..... the fridge. lolz...Very hungry la...I cant write when my tummy keeps growling.

*cassie gets an anxiety attack and starts running in circles

hehe...im not exactly running in circles. I feel like doing it but it'll only make me look stupid. And my mum will start screaming and yelling. She dislikes children running around the hse, what more an adult.

Since i cant go running around the hse, i ended up eating. Trust me, eating is never the best remedy, especially when im trying to keep fit. My resolution of wanting to start eating and living healthily has been a BIG flop! Ive been pigging-out on all sort of high-sugar-salt-fat-sodium food! The total opposite of all that is healthy and nutritious. Waaaaaa!

I just had 3 large packets of twisties..by myself..all at one go. I know, its inhuman. I had chicken rice, kuey teow soup, 2 pieces of bread pudding with ice-creams and a packet of biscuits for lunch ... Dont get a heart attack ok. My sisters will assure you that its so very normal. I eat this much almost everyday, and more when im overwhelmed by stress. I dont eat a lot when im out, cause i dont want to look like a glutton. Yet i am, arent i?

I tried wearing the skirt i bought during cny, its darn tight! Crap! And same goes for the blouse. *cassie frowns.. and keeps on frowning..and starts bursting out into tears....KIDDING! haha..
nola, im not close to tearing but im feeling very miserable.. Exams and the extra kilos can be really frustrating and upsetting and defeating and...okok , enough. It isnt making me feel any better.

And my sis invited me to go makan BK(Burger King) with her friend later in the evening. How not to jadi gemuk? I think i'll turn down the offer and opt for something healthier. I cant promise that i'll definitely not go, cause my flesh tends to give in at the very last minute...*sigh

Oh well, there's always tmr to start anew. Im not giving up. By the end of this month, i'll be as fit as ...Jennifer Garner! okok..not as fit, but close to la..got to be realistic.
LOL.

Anywayz, got to run. I mean, i got to get going. Finals tmr and the 1st paper is JAVA !!!!!!
*cassie falls flat on her face.

Just another day..

Im up in the wee hours on a saturday morning. To be exact, its 1.37am. What am i doing up so 'early'? Well the usual, chatting but not at the moment. Trix got dc but i doubt she'll log on again cause its late, and miss jo is definitely fast asleep since aust is 2 hours ahead. Miss your guys a whole lot! Cant wait to see trix next sat, and anxiously waiting for jo's return which will be in about 8 months time.

There's nothing much to blog about. Java demo wasnt that bad. She didnt questioned us much, cause we were honest with her. We told her that we got someone to help us out with the assignment, yet she was still quite generous with the marks. How did I found out? hehe..i 'curi tengok lor' ..keke..

And we got our PON mid-term result, the majority didnt do well. Everyone is very upset. There were a few that asked her about the marking scheme, but she refused to explain. Ive no idea why is she so secretive. Even for our first test, the similar scenario occurred.

My results werent too bad compared to the rest. I got 64.5/92. I know its weird..92..why not 100? Well, the lectures herself is way weird. But im not satisfied with it, since our presentation was sort of a disaster. *sigh..so there goes my chances of getting an A for the subject PON.

Im praying for a miracle. I pray that i'll do exceedingly well for my finals, but i got to put lots of effort in studying since my final exam is just next monday.

I cant do much but to leave it to God, trusting that He knows what's best for me.

*HAaaaa...Chew!*

*Takes a deep breath.

Ive been trying my utmost best to study everyday, but i cant seem to get into the mood. Its a daily struggle, constantly having to force myself to study.

Im losing the momentum, i'd rather do anything than face those appalling thick notes and textbooks! Its such a drag. *Sigh

Not forgetting, there's java demo tmr. Gosh! I hope she doesnt ask anything too difficult. I would prefer if she doesnt question us at all, but that would only happen in my dreams. Tsk tsk. So cassie, dream on!

Hmm.. no one said life's journey was a smooth one. Just got to keep on walking and hopefully i'll get through this, in a breeze =)

And i caught a cold..ish, its irritating =(

Down right honest

Y'know, telling the truth can be an extremely tedious task but it brings freedom, and a certain kind of happiness-joy. But to be honest, the outcome is not always that way.

Though it doesnt have a pretty ending quite so often, i would still tell or speak the truth. You can never go wrong when it comes to being honest. The outcome might not be as what ive intended it to be, but having the courage to be truthful speaks volume and makes the whole situation much better.

Ive broken many hearts just by being honest, and many tears have been shed too. I wish i didnt had to but the truth had to be told sooner or later. I tried looking for alternative ways around it, but coming out in the open was the only right way.

Did i regret doing what i did? Yes many times, but when i understood the whole big picture, i did not any longer.

I blieve sometimes hearts have to be broken and tears have to be shed, but those broken hearts can be mend and the tears will soon dry up. Yet all could have been avoided if it wasnt for my own mistake. Therefore i take full responsibility and ive learned well from it, never to make the same mistake again.

I know ive disappointed God but im glad that He forgives and forgets. I do wish that man would be like God, but thats impossible bcuz we're nowhere close to perfection. Hence I pray that we will grow and learn to be like Him each day, so that we may love and forgive the way He does. And be as accepting as He is, bcause He accepted me.