Just got home from CF. Was good to be back in CF, cause ive not attended CF for 2 weeks!! *smacks myself on the hand...yeah, naughty cassie.

CF ended slightly over 2.30pm, and by the time we rearranged the chairs and tables back to its original position; it was almost 3pm and there was only 5 of us left.

Christine couldnt join us for lunch, so the 4 of us headed to leisure mall for lunch at a Hong Kong restaurant. Had a really good time, getting to know them better.

During CF and lunch time, the stress and anxiety concerning my coming mid-term exams left. Felt so free and easy the whole time but as soon as i got back, one of my uni mates called to ask matters pertaining the exams; and that triggered my uneasiness, tensed-ness, and also stress level back to its original peak again!

Im worried about the mid-term exams this coming monday and tuesday, there's so much more to read and as always; so little time.

Its really frustrating, im truly looking forward to the holidays. Need a break, and am anxious and EXCITED about UCSI's first CF Camp!! Weeeeeeee! It'll be from the 17th to 20th of August, at Lakeview Cameron Highland and OOooh...the strawberries! wahaha... Im planning to invite my other course mates to come along, hopefully they will-the more, the merrier! hehe

Anywayz, i got to run-pick my lil sis from school.

Its morning, again! To be exact, its 4.50 am. What am i doing up so early? lolx To be honest, i woke up this early because i remembered that i forgot to take a shower yesterday! Hehe. It sounds ridiculous, but ive always been on the blur side -lately.

Uni starts at 8am today, and i'll be leaving home by 7pm. Therefore, i have approximately 2 more hours to either get back into bed, study (since i'll be having 2 mid-term papers next week) or stare into space? The latter will definitely be my last option lolx.

Its impossible to blog for 2 hours; i'll start crapping and it wouldnt be a good post anymore, and am not stating that this is going to be one lolx.

What a bummer..im having a tummy ache now. Two of my mates had tummy ache yesterday, really kesian them. Lab classes and tummy aches just dont go together lolx. If you know what i mean. Well if you dont, go figure! lolx.

I hope i did not catch the tummy ache bug, cause it would certainly be a terrible thing. And not to mention, the first class of today is a lab class *bleh!

My tummy is making me feel uneasy, and im having a slight headache now. *sigh...starts chanting* I refuse to be sick, I refuse to be sick....I refuse to be sick...20x

Yeah, i got the im-going-to-be-sick kind of feeling; im blaming it on the overnight fried chickens that i was forced to eat up. On the contrary, my diet-plan hasnt been a successful one. But hey! its a new day, today. A good day for a new beginning. Wish me luck! lolx I think i'll go lie down now, so pls excuse me.

what a day!

I had a wonderful and most statisfying 10 hours sleep. After being sleep deprived for so many nights, finally having a-tad-too-much of sleep was indeed a bliss. Well, until i woke up with a terrible headache.

I guess 10 hours is just too much for me. Its like overdosing myself with more than 8 panadols a day, and instead of easing the headache away, it''ll only get worse. Ouch!

Anywayz, spend the whole morning cleaning my dust-filled room; the layers of dust was like 2 to 3 cm high. No wonder, my nose itch all the time...Haaa...Chew! pls excuse me.

After having to deal with all the nasty dust, washing the bathroom was next in line. Took about an hour scrubbing and splashing water all around hehe. Of course, i took the opportunity to play with water lolx. But lets just keep this between you and me, cause if mum finds out; she'll start yelling from the top-of-her-lungs!..y'know, water bill will be way up high! *grins evilly, wahaha...

I took a shower after all the hardwork, u can pratically see sweat dripping from my forehead. Im not exaggerating ok * sticks out tongue..bleh!

Felt refresh, and super 'semangat' after the cold bath. The next assignment on the list was to complete my biochem report..euu..that sucks. Since i started uni last year, my days and nights have always been filled with lab reports. I love working in the laboratory; playing with chemicals, and burning whatever-i-can-get-my-hands-on using the bunsen burner, seriously it makes my day lolx. BUT when it comes to writing a report on all the nonsense ive done in the lab, its plain TORTURE! *shows sour face..

I didnt managed to complete it cause went down to klang to visit my aunt, and to return a book to Trix. Ate lots at my aunt's place, supposed to be dieting but then...y'knowla if i dont eat, my aunties (2 of them were there) including my 'ah ma' will 'bising-bising'. Hence i ate to subside the noises around me, and my poor ears; they were a lil overworked.

The aunties and my 'ah mah' insisted that i eat more, i had no choice but to be firm; firstly, because i was very, very, very, very full and secondly, i cant afford putting on weight anymore; unless their willing to sponsor me new clothes lolx...ya right, in my dreams. If they felt offended, well thats just really too bad for them. I ate my share, so thy shall not grumble! Addition to that, my health comes first. If i went around pleasing ppl, and eating everything that they place infront of me; i would be a fat-rolling-ball. And i'll definitely roll over you lolx.

Came home in the evening, continued on with my lab report. Its almost done, just left a few more lines that i forgot to edit in, and Sunday is already HERE! Wah..

Its 9.32 am on a sunday morning, since i still had lots of time in hand; i decided to complete this post that i partially wrote, yesterday.

Its going to be another busy day. Its the Sabbath day; a day of rest, but ive 2 more assignments, and lab reports on-the-line. Thus, there goes my day-of-rest!

Anywayz, i got to 'cioa'. Need to get ready for church. WEeeeee!

Lately i get easily paranoid, not just only by people but with almost everything that i come in contact with.

My stress level has reached its optimum level, and similarly my cholesterol level too-no doubt about that!

These past few days ive been freaking-the-fly-out with my excessive-compulsive eating behaviors. Many apologies to the fly.

I know ive been eating alot, way too much for the capacity of my stomach. I use eating as a channel to release my stress. Its not the best alternative and it doesnt exactly works, but ive been doing so since a'levels. Hence, ive been sticking to it because old habits die hard.

Ive been getting lectures from the fly, im not complaining-dont misunderstand me. I know the fly has been nagging at me for my own good. Dad also has been complaining, but with good intentions-i know. Ive realized for a long time, that im putting on bcuz of this 'eating disorder'? Im not sure whether to categorize it as one.

I dare not complain to mum & dad about my insufficiency of clothes to wear, because i actually do have mountain-high of clothing in my wardrobe, is just that i cant fit into most of it comfortably due to the excess weight ive put on..bleh!

Im supposed to be very particular and careful with my food choices, but due to overwhelming stress; ive tossed the whole idea out of my mind!

Its difficult to be in-control when everything around me seems to be out-of-control!

There's so much to be done, with so lil time in hand. Im about to loose my mind, seriously!

Just early this week, i burst out into tears in uni. Everything that has been accumulating inside, just went 'KABOOM'! It wouldnt have triggered off, if it wasnt for the word 'B*tch' that was 'nicely' written beside my name, by an anonymous, in the attendance list. Dont ask me why, bcuz i myself am clueless. Ppl are just plain mean nowadays. *tsk tsk

Im just waiting for the time that i'll suddenly drop-flat-on-my-face in uni due to exhaustion. Dont be surprise, it might happen sooner than i even expect.

Why do we study assiduously, when you have only one life to enjoy?

Why do we hope full heartedly for the love of a person who would never love and accept us the way we want he/her to?

Why cant we be thought theoretically to be a better and stronger person instead of having to go through all the bitterness of life, just to be one?

Why do we continue to persevere, even when everything around has crumbled into pieces?

Why do we keep on living, when it feels like life has lost all its purpose?

Have you ever wondered why?

1 day more

The bball competition is tmr! Im excited yet horrified at the same time. Its my first time representing my uni. Eventhough ive been playing for quite sometime, back in secondary school we did not have a bball school team. I just represented my hse sport (red house).

Addition to that, i only knew that i was part of the team 2 days back. Thus, im physically and mentally unprepared.

Trained yesterday and today, and im aching all over! Thank God is just minor aches, here and there. One thing i realized, i suck horrendously!

After every each game, i asked around for opinions from my team members and spectators that were present during our training. I told them to be down-right honest about it, but i think everyone was being nice. They kept saying i played alright, but i feel otherwise.

Im awfully nervous, ive plenty of butterflies in my stomach right now. Im also very afraid that i might disappoint my team, because im not good. Its been ages since i really played.

Lord, im asking for Your mercy and peace. I pray that You'll anoint my hands and feet, and that i'll give my best to glorify You, even through this competition. Help me Lord, that i will not loose my cool but i'll be calm at all times, and have an excellent sportmanship attitude throughout the game. Lord give me strength to sustain me, and wisdom so that i'll play well. Most importantly, i pray that our whole team will have a good time tmr and that we'll grow closer together, that Your light will be shone through me. Amen.

Bball - excited yet horrified

I was blown away when the president of my uni's bball club told me that im on the uni's bball team, meaning i would be playing for the inter-uni competition, or better known as MAPCU, this saturday at KBU (Kolej Bandar Utama)!

I had no idea, and definitely no intention of being part of the team because i know im not physically fit or up to par, if i were to compare myself with the rest of the girls.

Ive not been playing frequently, and ive basically missed weeks of training. Having been thrown into the team suddenly, scared the wits out of me!

Its an honour being part of the team, and the thought that they actually considered me is really flattering. I hope i do not disappoint them on saturday.

God i truly need a miracle this saturday! Im not asking to be transform into Michael Jordan, but that i'll give my best and make You proud, and that i wouldnt humiliate myself on that day too. AMEN! hehe

This saturday we'll be going against Inti College, Subang and another, i cant remember.

Do pray for me, desperately need it! Thank you =)

Welcome ah mah

Even through the most harshest storm, there's always something to be thankful for. My grandmother just accepted Christ! Weee! We, as a family have been praying for her for an extremely long time, and for it to actually happen is like a dream come true! Though im not feeling at my best, this news is good enough to change it all around =) Would love to blog more about it, but ive reports to complete and microbiology to study. Thank You, God! ;)

Confused soul

I feel suffocated with the workload from uni, my responsibilities as a class representative, friend and as a daughter at home.

Its really exhausting having to deal with people. Its impossible to please everyone, especially when much is expected of you.

I hate conflits and i'll try to avoid it at any cost, but i realise that it is inevitable. Sometimes you've just got to face it and deal with it, instead of trying to run away all the time.

In life, i know that it is just plain crazy trying to make everyone happy. Yet i try doing it almost evrytime, till i start to lose my cool. As a result, it only aggravates the current situation and i become even more agitated than i already was, and i fail to be a good testimony for my Lord again.

Im tired of having to constantly please and make ppl happy. I wish ppl would be more understanding, and place themselves in my shoes to know that it isnt an easy task.

Im not comparing, or am trying to point out that im facing more hard times and tribulations than others, because i know that we all have our shares of ups and downs.

I just want ppl to be understanding, and considerate, not to sympathize but to give a helping hand and support when one is in need. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe ive been focusing too much on ppl than God, and ive push Him aside too many times because im hoping for man to feel the void that is within me.

I know i should be running towards Him, but instead i always run the opposite way, chasing after things that would only leave a bigger hole in me.

I know to differentiate right from wrong, and i know that i should be walking in the light and not the dark, but why do i still prefer to hide behind the shadows? Why do i say and do, what i know i shouldnt?

I clearly know what God expects of me, yet i fail to live life according to His standards. I rather conform to the ways of the world, bcause its easier and i wouldnt be the minority.

I feel puzzle inside, and im on the verge of just letting everything go. I cant take the pressure any longer; having to maintain my good grades, complete assignments and reports, exams, to be a patient and understanding friend and a dedicated daughter at home; with hsework, cooking etc. Its just too much to handle, I just cant do it on my own anymore.

I know that everything is possible through Christ who strengthens me, but do i really believe?

It feels as if suddenly the world came crashing down on me, and instead of working my way out of it, i choose to remain underneath it all.

Its like im at the end of the cliff, wanting to jump of it, thinking that it'll resolve everything..yet knowing that i can turn back and make things right, but i prefer to remain standing at the end of the cliff.

God, i know i should start running towards You and my heart longs to, but my feet just refuses to.

The sure and unsure

Its difficult to be ordinary friends again, specifically after having a close or intimate relationship with the opposite gender. Eventhough the breaking-up process was a smooth one; without any arguments or exchange of hurtful words.

I still miss him and think of him quite often. It does not mean that ive not move on, its just that the feelings that i have for him are still present, because i still adore him, and it is impossible to just stop loving a person that i still do love.

Nowadays, we barely even chat on msn. Even if we did, you could even count the number of words been spoken with your fingers. As if there's a wall between us, or a line drawn. Its function i do not clearly know, but i believe its a barrier to protect ourselves from being too involved in each other again.

I never wanted the relationship to end but somehow im glad that it did, and that he was honest with me. I believe what he said is true, when he told me that he wasnt sure if i was the 'one'. Honestly, i wasnt a 100% sure myself. I just wanted him to be the 'one', because everything else seemed to fall into place. The truth hurts, but i would had prefer it anyway.

I guess you can never be too sure about things in life, especially when the timing isnt right. Hence i should focus on things that im truly certain, for instance; 4 lab reports, an assignment and test that are due this week :p

The 'one' would just have to wait, cause there are plenty more of great things ahead =)

I need to POO!

Woke up today with a terrible tummy ache. Hence i headed right for the 'throne' (i.e. the toilet), hoping that it would ease my tummy ache.

Unfortunately, the whole 'throne' idea did not avail. It is quite obvious that im CONSTIPATED!! Argh!!!

I felt hungry, so i went straight down to look for food to fill my tummy, which was still filled with yesterday's food lolx.

I thought of having something light, but dad bought roti canai and 'lo ma kai' for breakfast. When it comes to food, i get all weak inside. Thus i gave in and ate both! It made my tummy ached even more. *tsk tsk.. thats the consequences of being a greedy-little-pig.

Mum then suggested prune juice. I was a lil hesistant, cause they taste sour and i was too full to take in anymore. But prune juice has proven to be effective, so i gulped down half a cup.

I waited, and waited, and waited; which seemed almost like forever, and i still hadnt had any urges to go..y'know -poo!

During dinner time, and for all the time mum had to pop the question; 'Cassie, did you poo already?' Thank God there werent any non-family people around, or i would have to wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of my life! Bah!

Anywayz, mum asked me to down another cup of prune juice. Maybe it doesnt work on me, but there's no harm having another cup of almost-black-sour-gross-looking juice. The worst thing that could happened are; me being overdose with prune juice or diarrhea, but the latter is most unlikely.

Im having problem drinking up the prune juice..*takes another gulp. Bleh!

After drinking it all up, and if it doesnt work...I am...so..going..to...err.. do nothing? lolx

Oh well, if i still dont get any urges, i'll just drink another cup. It doesnt taste that bad, just a lil way too sour for a sweeth-tooth :P

Holes here, there and everywhere!

Holes!! Their everywhere!! Oh, the horror!! lolx

No, ive not lost my mind or have a few loose nuts. Im referring to my jeans, and pants. There seem to be at least one hole in all my pants and jeans. Ive 3 holes in my jeans, and one in my fav black pants; right in the middle of my butt!

Thus its time to go shopping for a few pairs of pants and jeans, but i would have to start saving up, or i'll just have to continue on walking around uni, with plenty of holes all over! :p

Since spunkz have holes in her fav pair of jeans too, we both decided to start saving for the next coming mega sale, which most likely be in august or sept.

We've about 2 and 1/2 months to do so, and i believe we have sufficient time to reach our goal. Hopefully we dont spend too much of our allowances on food lolx. Sometimes we cant control our urges, when it comes to food. We're food lovers, and food is our expertise lolx. Go FOODIES!! :p

But we really need new pairs of pants and jeans. Spunkz my sayang, Gambateh yah! =)

To sleep, or not?

It was roughly around 9pm, but i couldnt keep my eyes open any longer. Hence, i decided to take a short nap, before continuing on with my biochem lab report.

I got into bed and it felt good, just as i was about to close my eyes, my mobile phone rang! It made me jumped out of bed, and i scrambled around in the dark to get a hold of it.

It was a familiar number, suddenly it dawned on me that sexy boy did mentioned to me in uni, that he would call me later at night. He wanted me to explain some stuff pertaining the biochem lab report. I was still a lil groggy, and i practically 'mumbled-jumbled' throughout the whole conversation, which caused him to be even more confused than he already was.

Thank goodness that my mind cleared off quickly, and i finally spoke sensibly. I do hope he understood everything that i said to him.

After the long explanation, i felt a lil more awake. Ah yes, thats the reason im blogging now. Hmm...but my eyelids are feeling heavy again. I think i'll just stick to the original plan, and take a nap first.

Moody Me

Its been a very exhausting few days. Ive been moving up and down, non-stop for the last 2 days. Im physically worn out, and emotionally; its been one scary roller-coaster ride!

Since mum underwent the surgery, ive been cooking dinner everyday. As soon as i get back from uni, ive to start chopping chickens, peeling onions and garlics etc. And so often in between cooking and waiting, i would quickly run out from the kitchen into the living room to do parts of my assignments or lab reports, and then back to the kitchen to make sure that nothing got burned. Every second are like precious drops of rain during a drought season.

Ive barely any time left for myself, and im afraid that i'll burned-out soon.

Ive been cranky lately, and my uni mates can testify to that. One of my grp members for the food chem lab, really pissed me off today! Not only did she passed her part of the report late, but whatever she wrote was plain nonsense! *screams in anger

We were very fortunate to have 4 hours of break today; spunkz, the fly and i took the opportunity to rewrite the non-logical-totally-unrelated-out-of-topic-piece-of-crap that she wrote, because the deadline for the report is tmr!

If you were in my shoes, you would understand me perfectly!

We checked out the website that she wrote under the 'reference' part, and she basically copy and paste the whole d*mn article! At least copy and paste the right one la! Gosh!

Its hard to believe that a second year student would actually have such standards!

She's nice as a person and i found her very likeable at the beginning, but after today, i dont think of her so highly anymore.

Yes, i expect my grp members to do their part well. It isnt wrong to have such expectations, because it benefits everyone! We'll get good grades, and all will be happy. Some might accuse me of being 'kiasu', but ive to maintain my good grades because im under sponsorship. Its difficult and extremely pressuring, and having such members, will only exacerbate the current situation. Thankfully, the rest are co-operative =)

Specifically to my uni mates; if ive been a lil moody and not-myself lately, please forgive me. Give me time to calm myself down, and i'll be myself very soon; the happy-crappy-chatty-smiley me!

God, i need a fresh touch from You.

Mummy is back home! Wee!

My mummy is finally back home!! Sooner than expected, but am glad to have her home =) The operation went well, and she's recovering quickly but she's still not allowed to move around much or to consume anything solid; she's been eating 'mee suah' and porridge everyday! Yucks! ehehe...

Been a lil ill lately due to all the late nights; studying for tests and writing lab reports. Ive already missed 3 sessions of bball training, bcause i knew i had lil time to spare for anything else. Will be resuming training tmr, the thought of having to run up and down the hill, makes me reconsider my decision.

This week has been slightly more relaxing, but after checking the deadlines for the assignments, and the dates for the mid-terms; i cant afford to take it easy anymore, or i would have to burn the midnight oil again almost every night, for the next few weeks!

Ive no intention on doing so, cause i cant risk being ill again; especially when im not even exactly at tip-top condition now.

This semester has been tremendously draining. It basically sucked-up all the energy in me, without even leaving a single drop! Yet im enjoying my time in uni, its good to have friends around constantly. Though most of us feel overwhelmed with the workload, and we fret and complain endlessly about our discontentment concerning studies and lecturers, its so good to know that we still have each other to joke and laugh it all away =)

There's plenty to blog about since i havent been doing so for quite awhile, but time only permits me to blog this much. Ive to start cooking for dinner.

*sigh...and i just found out that my sis will be working tmr, meaning i might have to skip tmr's bball training again to cook dinner for my family, but it's just a small sacrifice =)

The never ending search..

Everybody is searching for something or someone to fill the existing void that is within them. Its been an endless search, and a very unproductive one too. I believe because man has been searching in all the wrong places, and sometimes, for the wrong reasons.

Living for almost 21 years, ive come to learn that men and woman alike, crave, ache, and desire for one universal need; LOVE. Throughout history till even the present times, man has sacrifice so much for love. Many times, foolish decisions and acts have been made, just for the sake of love.

I had lunch with 2 young bachelors last friday, and we ended up talking about love. It wasnt a very deep conversation, but one thing i realised again was that everyone is longing for companionship, friendship, togetherness, or in a simpler context; LOVE.

Ive even came across a rather large number of blogs, in which each blogger is inquiring, looking and desiring for love. It seems like everyone is searching for the 'love-of-their-life', or their soulmate, for somebody to love, and for an individual that would also love them in return.

It isnt wrong to yearn for love or to be love, for i have been guilty of it too; but its because LOVE is a GIFT from GOD. I would say, its the GREATEST gift ever given to man.

Hence, the only right place to go looking for love, would be God; our beloved Father in Heaven, our true and only first love, who truly knows the definition and meaning of love.

Few would be able to comprehend what ive just written, and many would disagree with me but im just here to write what i truly believe in, and what my heart urges me to.

Its the truth, i dare not lie; because ive been searching high and low, all my life for somebody to love and for someone who would love me back. But now i can gladly say, that my search has final ended, because the person that i was looking for was right in front of me all these while. Who else, but my loving and gracious Jesus.