Maybe this feeling is...maybe

It's a horrible feeling being left out, or being in the unknown or even forgotten.
Maybe I shouldn't bother too much, and maybe I'll feel less horrible inside...just maybe.

Cass, take ONE step at a time

Frustrations...

Why does it have to be so difficult?!

No more days without Dan! Yay me!

Its so good to have my darling back in my arms again :)
He is my ultimate source of joy, laughter and love *hee
He'll be flooding our blog with pics from Shanghai soon, but he has been pretty busy - recuperating, getting things done for our apartment, and with rehearsals.
He is indeed a busy man, and I appreciate him very much - because I know he works really hard to provide a comfortable life for me :)
We'll be doing lots of cleaning up this Sat at our apartment. Can't wait!! :P

Day 5 Without Dan: Still feeling down

Have been really looking forward to his return since the day that he left for China. He'll be back tmr evening. I doubt I'll be able to meet with him, I'm sure he'll be extremely tired. Hopefully I'll be able to meet with him on Tuesday. I desperately need a hug and kiss from him :)

On the contrary, I haven't been feeling good since early this morning. My tummy has been feeling a tad queasy, and it worsen through the day. After having breakfast and lunch, my condition showed no improvement :(
Ended up having a severe diarrhea and my tummy hurt even more. To add on to that, I've been having a rather terrible sore throat for several days already *sobs. A kiss from Dan will surely remove all pain :)

I took a long afternoon nap, woke up feeling lousy still. I really need Dan with me now - too much has happen in a week, and all I truly yearn for is Dan.

Day 4 Without Dan: Its going to be a LOnNnNnNG Weekend

Usually Saturday passes by in a blink, but without Dan around - time seems to remain stagnant 0_0
This weekend will definitely be a long one..

I felt extra lousy today - thanks to my parents.
The worst part of it all, I couldn't call Dan up to vent out my frustration. I did sms him, which made me feel a whole lot better - but it would have been even better, if I spoke to him.
Everything seems better with him around :)

Oh well, there are a couple of things to keep me busy today. Have to meet up with my uncle & aunt again. It becomes a drag, when you dine too often and frequently with people of not-of-the-same wavelength =_=
I'm not being sarcastic or rude. I respect them, but there isn't much common ground to have much conversation - if you get what I mean.

At least this time I've an excuse to not stay on after dinner. Someone ordered a Lemon Frosted Cake from me today, and they want it by tmr - so I'll be busy baking tonight.
Its a good start for me - my first customer. I guess I've something interesting to tell Dan when he comes back from China.

For those that are still clueless - I take cake orders, such as:
1. Lemon Frosted Cake
2. Banana Walnut Cake
3. Plain Banana Cake.
4. Apple Cinnamon Cake.
5. Butter Cake.
6. Nestum Cake.
7. Chocolate Cake.
8. Durian Cake (Seasonal).

Well those are the common cakes that are usually requested by families and friends.
Please leave a msg, if you've any inquiries. Thank you.

Day 2 Without Dan: I hate that you're away

I hate that you're away,
Because I miss you till its excruciating.

I hate that you're away,
Because I don't get to call or speak to you.

I hate that you're away,
Because I don't get to see or touch you.

I hate that you're away,
Because it feels like forever to receive a reply from you.

I hate that you're away,
Because I'm clueless about your whereabouts and the things that you're doing.

I hate that you're away,
Because all I need and want is for you to be back in my arms again :(

P.S. I'm so not used to Dan being abroad. Its our first time being apart for such a long time too. It sucks to the core, and I'm turning completely into a over-worrying-possessive-sleep deprived girlfriend. I hope I don't drive Dan up the wall too much. I really dislike the way I'm feeling right now. It has only been 2 days, and I'm turning into a psychotic freak. Help?

And Happy Birthday Hubby! I think I've wished you many many times, more than an average person would. I wish I was in Shanghai to throw a celebration for you - I think I've said this many times too =_= This is such a miserable experience for me *sigh...

Day 1 Without Dan: With love to Shanghai

It was just passed 9, when we said our goodbyes. I held him tightly, and if I could - I wouldn't have let him go. He told me not to cry, but crying at that moment was mandatory. This one week is surely lonesome without him.

He reached China safely early this morning, and my heart is at peace that his journey was a smooth one. But my heart aches knowing that I wouldn't be able to hear from him as much as I would like to - I wouldn't be able to nag him about sleeping enough, eating well, or call to just say 'I miss you very much hubby', whenever I choose to.

If you were here, we would spend the holidays together; watching dvds at home or out having some yummy pastries or desserts together. Monday seems so far away, and the only thing I'm looking forward is to your return - and all the great stories and pictures of your performances in Shanghai.

I miss you Daniel..more than this heart is willing to bear..

Love Sick

I miss you very much, and it makes my heart ache atrociously - but of course, in a good way.
I wish time spent with you would never end - that it was for eternity, no beginning or end.
The thought that you'll be away for a whole week, makes me sick inside because it'll be hard being away from you, and not being able to hear from you as often as I would like.
However I'm glad that this door of opportunity has been opened to you, and I do pray that many more will come your way.
I just miss you oh-so-very much..
Even though it hurts being away from you, I can take comfort in the fact that I'll always be the only girl in your heart and mind - no matter where and when.

I love you foever Daniel Foong Koon Wah :)

Only 2

At this very moment in time, I'm uncertain and unsure about almost everything in my life.

The only 2 things in life that I'm very sure of are;
1. God is always in control - and that His good plans and ways will always prevail.
2. The man that I'm very much in love with (which is Dan), is the only man that I want to marry, share and spend the rest of my life with.

Looking for better opportunities

I've just resigned from my job, and I'm truly glad that I did :)

So many things to be excited about

I'm currently so overwhelmed with excitement!
There's just so many things to look forward to - my first real job, my future with Dan etc etc etc...
Yup, the list is unending.

Though life will be a tad more busier for the both of us, I've confidence that we'll still have time for one another, family and friends.

I wish I could completely express all of the excitement within me, but I've no idea where to begin.
I'm like a little girl with a bag of candies in her hand, and I can't decide on which candy to unwrapped and taste first *hee

I'm just thankful and grateful to God for His constant favour and blessing in Dan and my life - and we're still looking forward to more :)

Should I?

Dan will be busy tmr, hence I'm left to rot at home *crawls into a corner and sulks.

Anyway, if you have plans to attend Academi Fantasia tmr, you might see him around.
And if all the contestants sound really good tmr, credit goes to him *hee :P

Not many know this, actually no one - not even Dan, but I'd once considered auditioning for Academi Fantasia. Yeah, I find it hard to believe it too *hee
Truth be told, I wanted to audition for various competitions before; Malaysian Idol, One In A Million, for some theater production etc.
However I'd never found the courage to actually do so, due to the discouragements of my parents - to them, its just a waste of time.
In addition, reality kicked in - I'm a good singer, but not a great singer, and I know being good isn't enough. Hence I'll just remain as a singer for church :)

I used to participate in many talent and sketch competitions in school, but books were always the main priority.
Thus I ended up majoring in food science and nutrition, which isn't such a bad thing.
I'm surrounded with food constantly *hee
Who wouldn't envy me, right? :P

I thought of auditioning for a local movie production. Dan has encouraged me to give it a try, since I've always wanted to.
I'm considering it, but I don't have much time left since the deadline is end of April.
So what should I do?
Take the unfamiliar path and risk it all, or just remain as I am?

Monday blues

I've been moody and cranky lately.
Hence I'll refrain myself from updating, cause I'll just end up ranting.
I think I'm having a series of mood swings.
Being stuck in the office for the whole day, and staring into the computer screen from dawn to sunset does no good, makes me more crabby.

I wish you were here with me all the time.
I wish I could substantialize my need and desire for you.
You've never once failed to make me feel better, and happier.
I miss you terribly...

Frustrations of an uncontented heart

So many things I need and want to buy, but no money to purchase a single thing *pouts

I'm having migraines again. It has been frequenting for the past few days, it's frustrating *frowns

I want Dan to manjakan me *sobs

Maybe I should just sleep my blues away...

Why can't I ever be contented? :(

It's been awhile

I haven't had the whole house to myself for sometime, and I'm enjoying the moment *hmmmm

The waiting

You're just 10 minutes away from home, and we'll be having dinner with my family in less than 1/2 hours time.
The last time we saw each other was just last Sunday, yet I miss you so so much - like I've not seen you for a lifetime.
I always feel hollow when you're not around, and loneliness becomes my best friend.
I wish I could be around you all the time, I wish I could kiss you whenever I yearn to, but I guess that wouldn't be a really good thing - cause I'll be kissing you endlessly, till we both run out of breath :P
I keep looking out through the glass door, waiting and hoping that the next car that passes by would be your silver proton waja.
My heart beats twice its normal pace when I know that you're on your way to meet me. It seems silly cause its not like we've just started dating, but I like that you always make my heart skip to a funny beat :)
You just sms me, saying that you're done with work and will be arriving soon.
I'm so anxious to see you, and the waiting seem like forever.
I can't wait to wrap my arms around you, and to press my lips onto your ears to whisper, 'I love you'.

I like the reds, greens, yellows and blues

When life doesn't go the way I intended it to, I feel like I've been thrown off path to the sideways.
Everything becomes unfamiliar and uneasy. In addition, it kind of pisses me off because I'm being forced to take another route, the one that I wasn't expecting and definitely not the one I had in mind.

The frustration it causes me is just simply overwhelming, and even after shedding many tears I still feel lousy inside. I suddenly find myself feeling like a loser, and it even contorts my thoughts into being an actual one. Anyway, how would I to know the feelings of a loser? Unless I've always been one since the beginning of creation.

The feeling no one can really comprehend. Sometimes I get lost in my own emotions. Its like the raging stormy sea with its violent waves beating against the shore, but out of a sudden it becomes clear, calm, and peaceful again. Everything seems to return to its normality, yet no one truly knows if its truly from deep within or only on the surface.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm writing about. I guess I'm just a little confused, and my emotions have most likely taken me on another roller-coaster ride. It's hard for another to understand the way I'm feeling right now, when I'm not too sure of it myself.

If only life was simple, like black and white. But come to think of it, I've always preferred the reds, yellows, greens, and blues. Their more complicating than the black and white, but they make life a little less dull and so much more intriguing.

A blissful day

~cold air
~warm arms
~drench in sweat
~aches & pains
~rhyming words
~long walks
~colourful fabrics
~perfect fit
~expensive squares
~dry-chapped lips
~silly gestures
~flirtatious smiles
~lemons
~baby-like skin
~sunny skies
~polar bears
~I love you's

...the perfect day...

Why do I care too much?

1. I still feel that I'm slightly 'fatter' than before, but another person told me today that I've lost weight O_O *huh? Hmm..maybe I'm being delusional.

2. People can be really mean. I believe I've said that many times before. Unfortunately, I can't really do anything about it. Like Dan said; people have the right to say, write, or do whatever they wish too. The right and best thing to do is to not retaliate.

3. I shouldn't allow people's negative remarks to affect me too much, especially from people that do not matter and that are insignificant in my life.

4. I had KFC for lunch today. Another craving fulfilled :)

5. I've a sudden craving for Durians. Too bad their not in season at this very moment :(

6. Dan told me the best way to pamper him, is to give him time alone with the TV *hee

7. Might go jogging tmr with Dan in the evening. I feel kinda semangat actually *haha

8. Still no call or reply from any of the food companies :(